Paranoia and fear set in when one is home alone, depressed and bored. No, not the insane "stop looking at me paranoia", the kind that the enemy loves to play with - "they don't like you, they don't care, they don't want to talk to you..." that stuff. Knowing it's not YOU and that there are circumstances that are often beyond their control or yours is the key. You can reach out to a point, then you must let it go. There is lies the challenge! So, I will sit here and wait for those "I'll call you later"'s to come through..,but I won't wait long. The Lord tells us to comfort those in need -- I'm in need!
So, I received that dreaded phone call that we all want to avoid taking - the one that tells us we no longer have a place of employment. I have, in short, been told that because of exhaustion and stress, created by that place of employment, my services are no longer wanted, that they are "no longer going to continue this relationship". I have given over a year of dedicated service - never late, took one or two sick days, worked long hours (52-69 in any given week, often 12-14 hour days, in the past two months), worked holidays, came in on my day off, worked without a day off, been kind and considerate to clients (who, upon hearing that I no longer work there) have sought me out to tell me I will be missed. Did I make a mistake - yes, I am human, it happens. Did what I do damage the company - not likely. Was there a valid reason - yes - again - exhaustion and stress, documented by my physician. In the moment I was "sent home for the rest of the day to think about whether or not I wanted to continue working there", I knew that I would not be returning and it would, in fact, not be my choice. It has happened before and it will happen again. That decision had already been made long before my "breakdown". History has a way of repeating itself. It repeated itself again yesterday when the phone rang.
Am I bitter? No, not at all. Will I fight for what is mine? Absolutely. Will I curl up in a ball and die? Not likely (although it may take me a bit to get back on my feet and work through the grief - I really did love my job). God's plan is far beyond that of a small group of selfish individuals who call themselves professionals. God's plan includes a place for everyone. Greater "mistakes" than mine have been overlooked yet they were forgiven. Mine are forgiven, too, but not by anyone on this planet. Mine are forgiven by the One whose opinion and forgiveness are more important to me than anyone else's. I have been forgive by the King! The Creator! The Master!
Our cries for help do not go unheard by Him! He hears what we are saying and comes to our aid in the "nick of time". He has, time and time again, given me a cross to bear - this is just another one that I will have to carry until He says "lay it down". I am a survivor simply because I am His - I know how the story ends! I know that only through repentance can I be forgiven. I know that it is only by mercy and grace that I can move forward.
So - pray for me that God will provide me with employment (please be specific - I'm really not cut out for road construction or furniture assembly). Pray for those who believe their tactics and practices are "right" and that they are justified in what they do, for in every legal and Godly sense of the word, they are not. Pray for those who still must endure. Pray for those who even consider taking on what looks like a scene out of "Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark". Pray for God to strengthen and heal those before me who have been subjected to the scars and torments brought on by their facade.
I have faith that I will come through this, not without scars, but without hatred and anger. I will come through this through the help of my friends and the power of God. "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me..."