Saturday, August 17, 2013

~ "Blessed are they that weep and mourn..."

The place where I first met Jesus...
For ye shall not go out with haste, nor go by flight: for the LORD will go before you; and the God of Israel will be your rereward.(Isa 52:12)

"Be not afraid, I go before you always, come, follow me and I will give you rest..." and so the hymn goes.  Long before my sister, father and I sobbed as this was played at my mom's funeral, it had become a "staple" in our home.  As many of you know, I was "born again" while pregnant with my son.  The St. Louis Jesuit 'vinyl' played over and over throughout our home.  Years later, they would be played on the piano and finally, sung at my mother's funeral.  It was, for lack of better words, our "theme" song.  My ex could not understand why I insisted on playing "funeral" music in the late 90's on the piano and in the car.  What he could not understand, were the words that had touched my heart at age 18, still rang true.

Right now, as you know, I am struggling to keep my head above water.  I have no job and nothing in sight.  The resume has to be rewritten, a web search performed and the online hiring site has to send me my identification number so I can register and prove I've applied for jobs in order to collect unemployment (which, in an "at-will" state, can be denied for any reason, meaning I have PROVE I was fired through no fault of my own).  So, this collection (now on my iPod) plays to lift my spirits and remind me that I am not alone.

I've thought of spending a dollar on a lottery ticket, I've already begun to cut out some of the "non-essential spending" I've enjoyed for over a year (sorry, Lilo and Stitch, don't get sick because pet insurance was the first to go - and Bella will now cost me more because I am no longer employed in the veterinary field - and no, I could have left it as it was, but that would not have been honest, so I swallowed my pride, emailed the woman I know at the company and that is that).  The "home" telephone line will most likely be the next to go and I am grateful that the cooler weather is approaching, thus eliminating the need for the air conditioning.  I will now have to pay for "Cobra" benefits simply because now that I am under a doctor's care for the stress created by this wonderful endeavor called "work", I now am suffering from exhaustion and stress (not to mention the fact that by law, I must have health benefits).  And the list goes on and on and on.

Am I bitter?  As I wrote yesterday, no, not at all.  God has a very specific plan for me just as he had for Daniel, for David for Moses, for Noah and all the rest of the cast of characters I am honored to fall in line behind.  That one simple comment I made to my friend, Sandy, some years ago, continues to haunt my brain causing me to shake my head "I want that faith" - with regard to those three men wandering around in the furnace.  

It's real easy to have faith in the good times, in the times that are peaceful and pleasant - it's when the shoelace breaks, when the dog eats your couch, when the income stops...that's when true faith comes in!  Faith in God, faith in His Word, faith in the knowledge that you aren't forgotten, faith that He will stand beside you all the way, leaving only His footprints in the sand at times, wanting nothing more than to see you praise Him in the storm simply because He is stronger than the storm (yes, I stole that from Gov Christie of NJ) and you remember the time He led you from the quicksand to the safety of the bridge and has continued to walk beside you ever since.

So, be not afraid - He goes before you ALWAYS!  Come, follow Him, and He will give you rest!!!