Yea, the Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou shalt have plenty of silver. (Job 22:24)
I'm really trying to stay focused on the positive but the anxiety of another fight for what is rightfully mine is taking it's toll. I know you think I'm strong (a lot of people do) but what you see on the outside and the torment that runs through me on the inside are two entirely different things. I cannot keep the thoughts from running through my mind and I also cannot let go of the bad decisions, choices and mistakes. They haunt (and I do mean haunt) me day and night. I have to force myself to focus on other things - they invade my dreams. Knowing that God has a plan for me is often the only saving grace I can find.
We all face trials and tragedies in our lives. We face them sometimes as cowardly lions, other times we face them with the courage of Goliath. There are times when we have the wisdom of Solomon and there are times when we can see only half of the reality as did Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar. We possess often only the mindset of Thomas, and on a rare occasion, the faith of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.
Job did not know why he was experiencing the pain and sorrow that was cast upon him. He maintained his loyalty to God at times, yet complained about being abandoned by God at others. His confidence in God was undermined. He saw his afflictions as a punishment. He asked "why"? He was unable to grasp all that was really happening to him. What he did not know, what he was not meant to know seriously affected the way he perceived his plight. He lacked the faith to trust that God has it all under control.
We, too, often lack that faith to trust! Yes, we have faith in God, faith that God has our best interest at heart, but we lack the faith to trust He does know what He's doing! We see our suffering as punishment when often it is the enemy advancing full steam! God loves us. He can and will vindicate us IN HIS TIME!
As with Job, we often feel that God has abandoned us - yet in our heart of hearts, we know that He knows every detail of the situation we are experiencing and in that, we pray for Him to rescue us. We want a life free of pain and suffering, yet that life has not yet come. That life will be ours when we enter the Kingdom. Only then will we be free from the wickedness and evil that the enemy throws at us. Remember, we are tested and tormented because we have been spoken for! We need to continue to trust the faith we already have in He who created us, and in that lies our peace!
The outcome of any situation (mine included) is known only to God until such time as He chooses to reveal it (mostlikely when a legal determination is made, in my case). Regardless of what an earthly court decides, my future is secure in Jesus Christ! My future (the one that really counts) will be spent in the presence of the King! We all are afforded that same security - you just have to reach out and grab it. There is joy ahead, there is peace ahead! In that, we can take comfort. All of this will end and what will be left will be heaven!