At this moment, I am very grateful that I fall under grace and not under the law. God's mercy surely is THE best gift I've ever received or will ever receive. Since being "terminated" from my job in August, I have been lax and sullen and unfortunately, not as devoted as I can or should be to the work He has laid before me, nor have I been as devoted as I should be to His word!
Why? Because I have allowed the enemy access to something that is not his to take - my heart. Along with the normal things that happen when one loses a job, there were other factors weighing heavy on me physically and emotionally. Satan saw his opportunity and took it. He had reduced me to a whining lump determined to handle things myself. I was not going to ask the Lord to intercede because in some part of me, I felt what I would be asking for would not be right. Whether is was the enemy trying to convince me that I was unworthy of what I would be asking for, or whether in my heart I believed I was not justified in my actions, remains a mystery. Regardless, I am sure of one thing...I am forgiven.
At this point in my life, according to "society", I should be winding down, preparing for retirement. In less than 10 years, I will be finished with my "work" and eligible for my "just reward" of pension and social security. I had foolishly thought that I would spend the remained of my working years in my previous place of employment. I FORGOT that it may be my plan, not God's plan. So, once again, I updated my resume and have spent countless hours applying for work.
When I begin to get frightened that my unemployment will run out before I procure a position, I had once again FORGOT a promise that was made to me - "I will supply your needs". I have never doubted that in the past, and always, with a smile, regardless of how dire my situation was, my FAITH allowed me to hold on to that promise. Why not this time? What was different?
The difference was, and is, very simple. I took the focus off God! I took control of the reigns again. I couldn't let go! I did not humble myself to the Father and offer the praise "YOUR will, not mine". And here I sit.
I could stomp my foot like a 2 year old, I could turn my back and say "thanks for nothing", but that in itself would be enough to allow the enemy to smile, let alone win. We are not guaranteed an easy life for following Christ, we are not guaranteed success in this life for doing what we are called upon by the Father to do. We are, however, guaranteed eternity with Him, forgiveness and love. We are offered a choice. We have the ability to belong to kingdom far greater than any created here on earth.
I look at and listen to so many preachers and evangelists who never seem to have the worries I have. They have done the Lord's work and have prospered. Then I look at those original 12 men who walked with my King. They did not have a home, the spent time in prison and yet, they were at peace within themselves. They preached the good news and continued to up until they took there last breath. They were not celebrities. They were not rich. They were honest and truly did God's work. They were humble beyond any reasonable doubt! It was never about them, it was always about Jesus!
I have decided to stop looking for the winning lottery ticket that solves all my problems - it does not exist in this life. My reward will be given to me at the end of my work here on earth, but the man whose death gave me life. His name, Jesus! His promise - worth more than any salary, mansion or status here on earth! The length of that promise - for all eternity!
