~ "God, I need a break!!!"

Blessings are upon the head of the just: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked. (Prov 10:6)

If you are like me, you probably look around sometimes and wonder why you are chosen to accept hardship. I mean, I know the reason (because it's God's will) , but there are days when I cry out to heaven and say "enough - I can't take any more pain!" Jealousy begins to crawl up my spine and I tell God that I am faithful, my life reflects change, my desires are to be of service to Him in whatever setting He places me, yet I cannot help but wonder why so many who do not, are apparently living a better, more comfortable existence that I am. Their focus is not on Him, their "gods" are everything but Him, yet they prosper and smile and continue to be comfortable in their mansions, while I sob myself to sleep each night.

I tell myself all the things I need to be reminded of - that it is not an easy road to be of service to the Lord, that His blessings will come and that they will be greater than I could have ever imagined, that this life will end and that pain will end with it - that my name is written in the book of life and that I will sit at His feet and worship Him for all eternity. It's very hard to see the promise through the tears.

Laura Story's song, "Blessings" just keeps resonating in my mind. Our blessings most generally do come as a result of tears, our healing through pain. We acknowledge that the greatest members of that "inner circle" have endured the most suffering! Yet, in all of that, we can still ask and pray for relief from the burden, only, once again, to acknowledge that "His will" not ours, be carried out. It would be a pleasant experience to have His will and mine be one in the same, but that generally does not happen. So I will go where He sends me.

Remind yourself that life is not always what we expect, that changes occur to strengthen us and that God will not give us more than we can bear (although, sometimes I think He pushes us to the very brink of despair). The trials and torments of this life do remind us that we are foreigners in this place - this is not our home - we will be lifted up into His majesty and presences and all will be right! So when your chest is heavy, when your sobs are long and the tears have no end - know that He is right there with you, waiting to bless you when you accept the road He's chosen for you.

~ "My hardest month of the year..."

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. Quench not the Spirit. Despise not prophesyings. Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. (1 Thes 5:18-21)

While laying in bed last night, trying not to think about what lies in my immediate future, my mind drifted back to last year at this time. My world was being tossed around like a big beach ball, my heart couldn't take any more hurt and pain and I was literally crying out to God to rescue me and take me home. Several years before that, I had also done the same thing, attempted suicide because the pain was so great and I could see no other way out - I wanted to be in heaven with Jesus, where I knew I'd be comforted and loved. And many years before that, I lost a friend in a tragic car accident. August has never started with anything other than pain and suffering for as far back as I can remember!

I've been thinking about those "heroes" in the Bible lately. What their lives were like, what it was really like to "talk to God" and receive an answer. Yes, God still answers our prayers - through the Holy Spirit, He communicates with us, but I mean truly hear (audibly) His voice!!! I always think of Enoch first - for he walked with God and "was no more". I have realized that God is a God of "second chances" (and third, forth, fifth and so on). I gaze on the names listed in the "Hall of Faith" in Hebrews 11 - what an awesome bunch of people! Yet, before their great faith thrust them into that chapter, they had to be given a "second" chance. Abraham - the father of faith - lied, and God used him to start a nation! Moses - a prince and a murderer and God used him to rescue the Israelites. Jonah - turned his back on God (by not going to Nineveh) and He used him to save a city. Isaiah pouted in the desert and Jacob was a deceiver (regarding Esau), Gomer was a prostitute and Sarah laughed at Him! Yet all of these people found favor in God's eyes!

God uses people to spread His word. He doesn't go for the "pretty" (except for Hadassah - remember, she won a beauty contest), He doesn't go for the great orators (Moses had a speech impediment), He doesn't go for the "muscular" (David slew Goliath with a stone) - what He goes for is the heart! He's not impressed with anything material so don't think you can buy God's attention. (Yes, the tithes you place in the offering plate please Him, but they don't set you apart from anyone). He wants us to ask Him in and do something we cannot do ourselves. "Create in me a clean heart" - requires God's action, not our own.

So, in what we know (that God's plan is not always our plan), we must walk forward, ever faithful, regardless of what lies ahead. We must encourage others as we go (even if we, ourselves, appear to be in a hopeless situation). We must give a good testimony (God has done some marvelous things in our lives - we need to share that regardless of where we sit right now). We must say "yes" to Jesus every day. We must remember that all lost people are children of God, waiting to be found. We are being sent to "open their eyes" and see them delivered from the authority of Satan. They are prisoners of war and Satan fights to hold onto them, just as he fights to win us back.

"Why do so many bad things keep happening to me?" Simple - because every true believer is under attack by Satan! So when the pressure from the enemy continues to cause you to stumble - get right back up because that means you are doing something right! Maybe you are destined to be a great leader. Maybe you are destined to lead only one life to Christ. Whatever His plan is, we are to endure the hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ - there in lies the reward! Remember, Heaven sees your heart!!!